The Heating Goes Off at 12.30am

It's so fucking cold. And I get like this nearly every night, and nothing has changed.

This is how fucked my sleeping pattern is, here's a few options:

20% of time time it goes like this:

12.30am: I should go to sleep now, I have to be up at 6.30am.

3am: I'm still on the computer or reading a book.

5am: Well there's clearly no point going to sleep now, if I even could, seeing as I'd never wake up.

7am: Start getting ready for college.

8am: Decide not to go to college and to catch up on all my work.

10am: Fall asleep.

7pm: Get shouted at for not going to college.

20% of the time it goes like this:

4pm: Wake up, realise I've slept through college.

3am: Consider sleeping, allow it.

6am: Start getting ready for college, go.

4pm: Get home, decide to read my book/watch TV in bed for a few hours.

7pm: Fall asleep.

6am: Wake up, realise I haven't done any of the coursework I planned to do last night and am supposed to hand in today, go to college, get shouted at.

40% of the time it goes like this:

2am: Decide to go to bed, read.

4am: Fall asleep.

8am: Wake up, realise I'm late RUSH. Am still late, get shouted at.

And the other 20% of the time this happens:

DON'T SLEEP FOR DAYS, WANT TO VOMIT ALL THE TIME, CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON SHIT.

Once, I stayed at my friends house after she had a party, and I couldn't sleep and I was drunk so I collected random objects from her street and placed them around her front garden.

Notice the printer on her dads van and on the wall. There were also bricks in all her flowerpots.

It was a giggle trying to put the bin back in an "appropriate" place later on, and 3months later it was still on the street we placed it on, full of rubbish.

Clearly I spend the time I could be sleeping constructively.

But this is a complaint about: yes, firstly I do hate how fucked my sleeping "pattern" is, but secondly and very importantly why does the heating go off at 12.30am and on at 7am. It's like 2C outside and 3C in my sham of a room. I'm sitting here shaking. I need a coffee, then I'll get ready for college, maybe.

Good Morning

Little Known Ways of Killing Yourself

Introduction

I'm not a very motivated kind of person, I lack the patience and drive to be dedicated to anything. I set up this blog this time last year with the intention of posting regular little tidbits of information on a fairly average teenager living in London suffering from mild bouts of depression from time to time, but clearly it's taken me an entire year to get to my first post. But either way here goes...

I've wanted to set up a blog for years now, but it was more of a nice idea 'til now. I couldn't decide if I should make my own person public or keep it private, and after years of arguing with myself over this I've decided to stay anonymous. I've decided to do this so that I can be completely honest and able to express things I'd usually hide. If I'm reading someone's blog I like to see a photo of them, so I know if they're not actually a complete phoney, but clearly now I can't do that. So I'm just going to tell you a bit about myself (physically and personality wise.)

A Bit About Myself

I'm 17 years old, but please don't mistake age as a measure for maturity or intellect. I'm far from naive and I may not have lived through as many wars as your granddaddy but I've fought in enough of my own to know what's what.

Appearance

I'm a female, if you hadn't already guessed by my style of writing. And I'm also a fairly attractive one at that. I'm not going to fake modesty in any way on this; I'm not the most beautiful creature to walk the planet, far from it in fact. But I get the fair amount of random street admirers and compliments. I'm 5'3, 8 and a half stone, with a 24 inch waist and 32E boobies. Whilst these measurements aren't the current societies ideal, they've functioned for me so far. However I am a firm believer that people can look as good as they want to (unless you're proper fucking butters and you want to look like Megan Fox), I put a lot of effort into my appearance, and I refuse to leave the house without a full face of make-up and my trademark massive puffy barnet, which has cost my natural hair dearly. In fact after I wash my hair, before I have any products and styling on my hair, my head looks deformed.

Intellect

I'm actually pretty smart too, surprisingly. People tend not to realise this about me for a while, but I kind of prefer it that way. The only problem is I am severely lacking in any kind of motivation (as mentioned before,) you could say I'm a life long sufferer of CBA syndrome, which is an increasingly growing problem in today's society. If I worked hard I could be an A* student, but unfortunately I'd prefer to try and enjoy my life and get mediocre grades. For my GCSE's I received four A's, four B's and the rest C's. For my AS level mocks I received all B's, but as far as I'm concerned that's got to be a hoax. I take psychology, media studies, theatre studies and product design (apparently this means I'm wasting my mind with doss subjects.)

Intrests

I like music, who doesn't? Currently I'm listening to a cover of Ebb Tide by Bonnie "Prince" Billy, you should look it up on youtube or something. at the moment I like Atmosphere, Major Lazer, The Beatles and Vampire Weekend. I've lived in London my entire life, my dad is Malaysian-Chinese and my mum is Irish.

I spend my time:

• Slacking off sixth form.
• Getting drunk and high with friends,
• Watching TV or playing PS2 with my boyfriend (of 3 years.)
• On Facebook.
• Sleeping for 20 hours straight or not at all.
• And every few months crying depressed in my bed doing nothing but smoking, cutting myself (don't judge me hah), and thinking of little known ways of killing myself for entire days.

Me at a small party a few weeks ago at a house some of my friends rent, I end up here pretty regularily.

All in all this sounds a lot worse than it is, I promise.

If you've got to reading this point I commend you, if anyone does actually read this. There'll be more to come very soon, drop me line in the comments telling me what you think.

Good Morning ;)